


Happy at Home

by LetMeEntertainYou



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Epilepsy, Epileptic!John, Gen, Seizures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 22:23:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetMeEntertainYou/pseuds/LetMeEntertainYou
Summary: “I just- uh- like…Ugh. It’s my seizures, Fred. It’s like I’m on house arrest. I hate going to place because I have no idea what’s going to happen. If I seize, will I wake up to someone’s wallet shoved down my throat? To some catholic spraying holy water on me? To a gawking crowd? What if I bust my head open? And what if,” John’s voice cracked, “I wake up all alone?”





	Happy at Home

**Author's Note:**

> My blog is Disabled-Queen-HC on tumblr.  
> Anon asked: I read somewhere that living with Epilepsy can be quite isolating. How about John shying away from social events as he’s embarrassed about his condition but his family and the Queen boys make sure he’s included in everything that they do so he doesn’t feel left out

“Lads, I feel a holiday coming on,” he said as he entered the room, hands on his hips.

Brian and Roger looked up from their books while John set down his screwdriver. Roger broke the toaster. Again.

“Holiday?” Roger said, eyes sparkling. Any chance to be anywhere but his flat was a good opportunity, if you asked him.

“Yes!” Freddie clapped, grinning. “A holiday! I found this lovely little place. Robin Hoods Bay. It’s so quaint and has so many things to do without, uh, a lot of money needed,” he finished, flicking his fingers for flourish. 

Brian frowned. He was thinking of all the planning he’d inevitably have to do because god forbid Roger and Freddie not be in the moment. And not to mention a fishing town didn’t sound too fun. He opened his mouth to say something but Freddie cut him off.

“There’ll be horses there,” Freddie said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Brian set his book down, getting up. “Well, I’m sold. I’ll start packing.”

Freddie cackled, setting his attention to John, who was oddly still and quiet. He said that sometimes if he just didn’t move or say anything, people would forget he was there. Not Freddie.

“And you, my love? Has my presentation sold you yet or shall I keep going?” he said.

John sighed when Freddie in fact, saw him. He slumped in his chair with a shrug. “Dunno. Sounds nice ‘n all but I don’t know if I’m um, in the mood to travel…’n all…”

John was a bad liar and everyone knew it. He grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck, hoping this one time it wasn’t so obvious. When Freddie sat down in the chair next to him, face etched with worry, he once again knew he was caught.

“What’s wrong, Deacy? You afraid of the budget? I assure you this is no five star establishment. We can have fun while not going into debt, you know!” he said, a hand patting John’s knee. 

John gave him a small forced smile, shaking his head. While, of course, he was concerned about the money, that wasn’t his reason for wanting to stay. He started to wring his hands, biting on his lip.

None of them could really understand the struggles John went through. Sure, Brian was a nerd, Freddie a refugee and Roger a…car fanatic…? But none of them were freaks. Not like he was. 

The fear John could produce in a matter of seconds was astounding. The moment he dropped with a seizure, hell always broke loose. Screams and cries and running and flailing. All because of him. And people never take too kindly to being frightened. Upon waking up, he got scorn, anger, debridement instead of comfort.

Do the boys know anything about waking up to the sound of someone saying you haven demons in you? That you’re a blight to God? No. No, they did not. 

So, through the years, John had made a world for himself. A very small range in which he was comfortable venturing in to. A select few places where he knew he’d be safe if he seized.

It was isolating. It was tedious. But it was safe.

And this Robin Hoods Bay was not any of the above. 

He trusted the other 3 to take care of him, but they weren’t his baby sitters. One of them would run off somewhere, leaving him alone around people who didn’t understand. And if he felt a seizure coming on, he’d have no idea what to do. Neither would the people around him.

The thought made his heart lurch, hugging himself as he shook his head. No. No. He’d stay home. 

Freddie frowned, seeing the mental conflict written all over John’s face. He whispered light enough for neither Roger or Brian to hear. “John, what’s really the matter?” Perceptive as always.

John looked around the room, seeing how both Roger and Brian were fiddling with things, pretending to not listen. He flushed and whispered back to Freddie, “Follow me.”

Once in the stairwell, John crouched down, hugging his knees to his chest. When he spoke, his voice echoed. “I don’t like going to new places,” he said, eyes on the ground.

Freddie, who stood in front of him, stooped down to his level, head tilting. “You don’t?” he asked, his tone soft.

John shook his head in the negative. “No,” he mouthed, his disposition growing miserable. Freddie stayed quiet, knowing an explanation would come once John gathered his thoughts. John spun his ring around his finger until the words came to him, until he got the courage to tell the other why.

“I just- uh- like…Ugh. It’s my seizures, Fred. It’s like I’m on house arrest. I hate going to place because I have no idea what’s going to happen. If I seize, will I wake up to someone’s wallet shoved down my throat? To some catholic spraying holy water on me? To a gawking crowd? What if I bust my head open? And what if,” John’s voice cracked, “I wake up all alone?”

He felt so vulnerable saying all of that out loud. John wrapped his arms around himself tighter, avoiding Freddie’s tender stare. Right now, he just wanted to go home. 

“I get so scared ‘cus I don’t know. I can’t trust anyone. And most people can’t trust me. I feel like a freak. S-So, I can’t go to the bay with you guys. I, um, can’t. I can’t,” he said, clearing his throat to keep any tears from shedding. 

The untold story of epilepsy was how ostracizing it was. Nobody wanted to hang around someone who could seize at any minute. And as an epileptic, you couldn’t have faith in the strangers around you to have your best interest in mind. So you stay home. And you’re always home. It’s the only place you won’t be judged.

Freddie took in a deep breath, nodding. It took some time for John’s words to process, shattering his heart all the while. All he could say at first was, “Deacy, I’m  _ **so**_ sorry,” as he reached out to squeeze his shoulder.

John shrugged him off, saying, “It’s fine. I didn’t expect you to think of this. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Freddie’s mouth popped open, nearly screeching, “ _John!_  I’m your best friend! There is absolutely something I can do about this. The 3 of us, actually. Whatever you need.”

John felt an uncomfortable rolling in his stomach, his chest going tight. He hated going out the most. But in second place was undivided attention like this. It felt too much. Like he’d choke under Freddie’s loving gaze. He stood up, brushing off his jeans. 

“I..need to go home,” he said, before dashing down the stairs. 

There was nothing anyone could do without having to act like an aide for him. They could party it up at the bay for all he cared. He was going home. And staying there.

♚

Freddie closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he stretched out his arms, taking in the smell of the bay. “Everyone thank me for picking out such a nice place,” he said, chuckling, looking back at the others.

“It’s a lovely place, mate. Already saw a few horses,” Brian said, more interested in looking in the direction of the stables than the ocean.

“The prices on the pub we just passed were amazing! I’ll be there tonight if anyone needs me,” Roger said, thinking about all the cute birds that might be there later on.

“Well, I can certainly smell the horses,” John said, an little evil smirk on his face.

“Oh, hush you,” Freddie said, batting a hand at him before turning back to look at the rolling waves. “You all go off and do whatever you’d like. Mama is staying at the beach,” he said, starting to walk down the path that led to the beach, without so much as a goodbye. 

Immediately, Roger clung to John’s side, looking at him with big eyes. “Be my buddy first, okay? While Brian goes and tries to fuc- pet the horses, we can go to the fishing shop, yeah? They’ve got souvenirs there, I think,” he said, tugging at John’s arm. John let himself be tugged, trailing after Roger who didn’t let him go.

This was the system they devised. The buddy system. As long as John was always with one of the 3, he felt significantly more comfortable going around the little sea town, unafraid of what could happen during a seizure. The boys by that point were professionals and had John’s undying trust.

John was free to float between the three or even force one of them to accompany him wherever he wanted. It wasn’t babysitting. Just friends hanging out and looking out for each other. 

That’s how they sold the pitch to John anyways. It only took him a week to agree to it.

By day two, the system proved itself worthy. While taking a tour through the old church (his idea), John felt a familiar tingle in his head. With Brian right besides him, things went quite smoothly. Brian helped him down to the brick floor and kept everyone away during the seizure. When John woke up, all he saw was a mountain of brown curls and a smiling face. “You did fantastic, Deacy!” he heard.

And perhaps, seizing in a church wasn’t the greatest of looks, but John never felt so safe. 

Even in his confused state, he smiled back.


End file.
